If you have been reading my blogs since my arrival in Belize, then you probably would have noticed a mournful tone. I would say that your observations have been correct. Part of being a missionary is adjusting to culture and new surroundings. Part of adjusting is to mourn that which you have lost. It’s ok to mourn. It says in Ecclesiastes that there is a season and a purpose, a time for EVERYTHING.
The past three months I have been angry, I have wept, I have felt inadequate, lonely, weary, lost, weak, forgotten, torn down, and uprooted. Sadness hung around every corner of my mind. With those emotions came shame for feeling that way. But, as I talked with God about these feelings I realized that I could either walk through them with Him or I could succumb to depression that I would allow myself to slip into. Depression was the easy route. There, I could indulge in all the feelings I was feeling. I have been there and done that and refused to go back from that which I have been redeemed from. At these low moments Psalm 63 was a great encouragement to me. I encourage you to read it. In my Bible it is titled “The Thirsting Soul Satisfied in God”. I know that in order to get through the emotions that want to drag me down that I NEED to be satisfied in Christ alone.
One of the verses says “My soul thirsts for you, my flesh yearns for you, in a dry and weary land were there is no water”. Yes, we have an ocean, but often times it’s so hot that we need water and it is the only comfort on a sweltering day. Like the lack of water would be for my throat and body, my soul feels dry and spent at times, and I need Him like the living water.
A couple of weeks ago the heavy sadness started to lift, and almost a week ago God released me from mourning. I truly believe that he allowed me to go through a period of time where I could mourn. But at one point, while going through some emotions last week, I read a Bible verse, and I felt God telling me that it was time to end my mourning. I’m glad he released me from it because I felt ready to stop. Does that mean that I will never be sad again? Or never mourn something that I once had? No way! There will be a time for that again, maybe tomorrow. But this time for devoted mourning is over for me and I’m ready to move on to the next stage. It’s time to sew together now. Start putting stitches in this period of my life whether it be 10 or 30 years. I thank the Lord for all that he has taught me and the way he has pruned me and I thank him for what is to come. I thank you for praying for John and I and Evangeline when the Lord has prompted.
After all the sewing I’m going to be doing I wonder what the quilt will turn out like?